Weigh In - Week 8

I've been at this for 8 weeks now, am I boring you with these updates yet?  I hope not because they are really helpful to me to document my progress.  I've seen success so far and I am extraordinarily grateful for it, but I know that it won't always be smooth sailing, so I am trying to set up as many habits as I can while things are going well.  Notice I didn't say while things are "easy."  If I do anything here that makes it seem easy then I am sending the wrong impression.  It is HARD.  It has probably been two of the hardest months that I've had, though maybe short of the time Little Goat was in the NICU which was hard in a different way.

But the difference with this hard is that it is also good.  So I press on.

And I will say that things have gotten a  bit easier, even though they aren't easy by any stretch of the imagination.

So let's get to the weigh in this week.  I honestly expected to lose just a little or even gain.  I had a big week last week, I was on retreat, we had birthday celebrations with Little Goat, I had a cold, and some monthly hormonal joys.  I expected it to be not too much, if anything.

So, yeah, here is what really happened:

- 4.6 Pounds Lost

-24 lbs Lost to Date

I just don't know what to make of this really.  I am thrilled.  Thrilled to be down 24 pounds, to have lost that in two months too is huge.  I am wearing smaller clothes today - both my pants and my top are two sizes down. I've even lost 3 daily Weight Watchers points by now.  I miss those 3 points, but it is a sign that I am making progress.

And just look at the visual!  I think I'm going to start needing heavier things to visualize this loss.   (Someone asked where I get these and the answer is I make them myself with stock images and MS Paint - I'm just technically proficient enough to handle it!)

I remember seeing friends get to this stage and being so happy for them, but also very jealous.  I wanted to see the success they were and I was mad that I couldn't seem to muster up the willpower to do it myself.  I imagine that there are those out there who might be jealous of this and I wish I could say something powerful and motivating to get you to see that you have the potential to change it if you want.

I have a long way to go.  Such a long way, but when I stopped feeling sorry for myself and actually did the work that was necessary - tracking food, working out, following a program - I am seeing success.  Trust me when I say if I can make it work then I know that you can too.

Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you in your efforts to get started.  I always need more accountability and it is my hope and prayer that those who are out there struggling can taste the success that I am seeing and more.

We are only in a competition with ourselves afterall.

Thank you for all your support.  I feel some bad week looming sometime but I'm just going to keep doing what is working - tracking, counting points and working out. 

Three

How can he be three?  How can I have thrown a "friend" party yesterday and watched him thank each of his friends in full sentences?

It seems surreal to be at 3 already.   That 3 years ago yesterday he was born.

I want to express how far we've all come together, and describe the love and joy he brings me, but for now, I will simply marvel at 3.

Perhaps tomorrow there will be words for it.

Weigh In - Week 7

You guys?  I have a secret...

I think I can maybe succeed in this weight loss thing.

 Now, don't you go telling anyone this.  There is a LONG way to go, but I am heartened by my actions and commitment over the last 7 weeks.  Moreover, I am learning that when I am committed and do the work I do see results.  For so long all my weight loss attempts were more half-hearted and the results showed that.  This time being in fully is actually paying off.  Here's how I know:  I have reached my 5% goal.  That is I have lost 5% of my body weight so far.  That seems HUGE for me, especially since given my weight, 5% is no small number.

Here are the full results of this week

-5.0 Pounds Lost

-19.4 lbs Lost to Date 

5% goal reached

Amazingly I am also a blink away from having lost 20lbs in seven weeks.  Let's do some math shall we...(I love math).  19.4/7 = an average 2.77lbs lost per week.  2.77*52 = potential for 144lbs lost in a year assuming I keep up that pace.  Now I don't expect to keep up that pace, but I do feel like I have the potential for some significant numbers this year.  Especially since I already have reached some significant numbers, if only in my head.

This week coming up has some pitfalls - retreat buffet, birthday party - but I have the motivation to make it through them.  After all, I'd really love to see 20lbs down next week.

Onward and downward I go.

Hey You!

It's true.

P.S.  Do you follow me on Pinterest?  It is awesome, and where I found this and other great things.

Random Thoughts

* It has been quite a weekend.  I spent Friday home with a sick kid.  Saturday was spent with the improving kid, then a few hours work to prep for Sunday, a workout and finally DATE NIGHT!  Mr. Goat and I went to Gasthof's for German fare and then to the Brave New Workshop!  It was so nice just to have a night out with Mr. Goat and even though I certainly ate more than I should have I am not regretting my choices.  Last night I choose to enjoy my time with my husband.  I ate well the rest of the day, I saved my weekly points for the splurge, and I worked out.  So I'm not going to feel guilty.  I still hope I'll see progress on the scale this week but who knows?

* Sunday was work, then a quick clearance shopping, and toddler wrangling (it was a rough day of wrangling). Finally Mr. Goat let me skip bedtime and go to the gym since little Goat and I were butting heads all day.  I have a pretty great husband for letting me do that.  40 minutes of swimming laps later I felt much better.

* Part of today included me yelling at the toddler who was barefoot in the grocery store (in a cart) - having kicked off his boots for the 20th time.  Not my finest parenting moment.

* Today was notable that I got a few clearance tops that are 2 sizes smaller than I have been wearing.  They are just a touch tight, but not too tight.  So that is definitely a non-scale victory!

* I also got on an old pair of pants that are also 2 sizes smaller than my current.  They zip but they are still quite far from public viewing.

* I'm heading into a very busy work week, including a weekend retreat I'm helping to run AND Little goat's 3rd Birthday party (hold me) so I might be a bit scarce this week.  I'll still be going to my weigh in and will tell you guys the news at it occurs.  I hope to be back more often next week when my life might calm down a touch.  As much as my life ever calms down.

* How can little goat be turning 3 in a week?!?!?

* I am SO taking next Monday off.  The only plans are - gym and rest.

* I'm sure there is more but I'm tired and out of words.  Thank you all for your support so far.  It helps keep me on track.  I will get to your questions, including the pizza recipe, soon.

Weigh In - Week 6

Wow, it is hard to believe that it has been 6 weeks of weigh in's so far.  On the one hand it seems to go so slowly during the week, but the weeks seem to be piling up.  So do the pounds lost I guess.  Progress is an amazing motivator.  Plus I even had a coworker ask if I've lost weight, so something must be happening!

So do you want to know the results of this week?  As you will recall, last week I gained .6 lbs.  I am happy to say that I didn't let that derail me though.  I still worked out 4 times this week and I tracked every day.  Actually I've tracked every day since I began - which is now 37 days total.  And my results?

-3.0 Pounds this Week

-14.4 lbs Lost to Date

I'm just glad I "lost" my gain from last week and even had an additional 2.4 lost beyond that.  But mostly I am proud for sticking with the program for 6 whole weeks.  If I can keep up my pace for the rest of the year it could be as much as 124lbs lost in a year.  So if 14.4lbs seems like a small step, it can lead to big changes!

And the amazing thing to me is that I am making those changes.

Too bad I didn't get to 15 lbs so I could add another bag of sugar - the butter is getting crowded.  But it is a good problem to have! Until my next weigh in I carry on - tracking, working out and changing things one day at a time.

I am curious - what do you folks want to know about what I'm doing?  Do you have any questions for me?  If you do please put them in the comments and I'll try to address them in a blog post!

Proud

I am proud of the Goat family tonight.  Here are a few of the reasons why:

* I taught a new class at church and I think it went pretty well.

* I asked for help and had volunteers come through for me.  (Why is it so hard to ask for help?)

*  Little goat was quite well behaved in church, which was especially good since we were sitting by an elder and former seminary professor.

* Mr. Goat and I packed up the kid and went to the gym despite being tired.  We both swam laps.

* I didn't smack or tell off the teenagers mocking my water aerobics moves when there wasn't a lane to swim in.  (But I wanted too).

* I also didn't cry about it.  I'm doing what it takes to get healthy, so what if I look dumb.

* Mr. Goat made homemade pizza tonight that was delicious and low in points.  Yum, so good.  I even had points left for a dessert treat despite having 5, yes 5!, slices of this healthy pizza.

* The dishes are done (Thanks Mr. Goat), laundry is folded, muscles are sore, groceries are bought.

* I haven't watched more than 20 minutes of TV today.

* I have been on track with points but still had moments of satisfying indulgence this week.  Not what I'd always pick first, but things that make this lifestyle seem not like a diet.  And I'm still within points so I hope to see a good number this week!

* I tried a new food today - the Honey Tangerine.  Verdict:  Surprisingly honey-like, tasty but lots of seeds and juice.

* Little goat seems to mellowing as he approaches 3, not in energy level per se, but in his desire to fight back.  Yay!  (Of course admitting this will change it all this week).

Those are a few of the reasons I am proud today.  What made you proud this weekend?

Bouncing Back

Thank you all for your support yesterday.  The problem with gaining is that I have to balance what I know to be true rationally (big week before, hormones, etc) with the emotional response of seeing the scale go up.  Sometimes the emotional response is stronger and it takes a while to get the rational thought in control of things.

But I am proud to say that I've eaten within my daily points the last two days - I even saved a few to have a dessert while at dinner with some friends tonight.  I haven't been to the gym yet, but have plans to go tomorrow.

What I am proud of is that I haven't given up in the wake of a small gain.  I'm still on track, and I'm still tracking, and I hope that next week my body will have righted itself again.  And if not, well then I still keep on it.  I am doing what I'm supposed to so I'm going to give the program a chance to work.

I'm going to give myself a chance too.  That's the most important part.

Weigh In - Week 5

Well...

It happened.  I gained weight.  Oh not that much, but enough.  Despite the fact that I tracked and followed things all week long here was the result:

+.6 pounds

-11.4 lbs lost to date

I know it is probably a function of my big loss last week, and likely hormones, and possibly muscle gain, but I am still upset by it.  I am upset because I did everything I was supposed to!  I did my part and my body didn't cooperate.

When I found this out I was sitting in my meeting eating my breakfast after weigh in (I bring it so I don't eat before the weigh in).  As I ate I thought,

"I want more of this.  Or I want to eat all the products stacked around the room.  Or I want to drive through.  I want to eat the cake I choose not to eat at the work party yesterday.  If doing this right still leads to a gain, then screw it, I'll just eat crap."

Eating crap though is exactly what got me to this point in the first place.  This is the tough point.  The point I have to double my efforts and stay on track despite the fact that I'm mad and sad that this is a mess of my own creation.

I know it is my body sorting things out but it brings to light my biggest fear of this whole process:

What if I give it everything I have and it still isn't enough to make a change?  What if my best can't overcome my weight?

I want to wrap this up in a positive.  I do, and I'm not planning to give up, but the truth is that today I'm more than a bit scared that all my efforts seem futile.  I know that is not the case.  I know.  I just need my body to know it too.

Monthly Report - January

(source)

Here I am, a month of healthy living under my belt.  Actually, tomorrow is my week 5 weigh in, so is over a month. It was easier, and harder than I imagined.  And I can't imagine that changing.  Here is some stats by the month for those who are curious...

January Weight Watcher Stats:

• 31 days tracked
• 12 pounds lost
• 15 workouts
• 1 new food tried - Kale
• 1 new veggie recipe tried - Roasted Cauliflower
• Increase in my veggie intact - exponential
• Countless number of clementines eaten
• Inches lost - unknown (will measure in mid Feb)
• Pants size - no change, but I do have "diaper butt" now.
• Visible weight loss - none to me, but Mr. Goat assures me it is there.
• Thousands of ounces of water drunk
• No soda
• No alcohol
• Too much eating out, but better choices made
• 1 potluck navigated.

All in all it was a hugely successful month.  If I can duplicate this month each month this year I could lose 144 pounds this month.  I doubt that I will be able to maintain that rate, but it is a great start and that is the important part.  Tomorrow I weigh in for the first time in February and see how this month begins too, but so far it is going well.

So I am declaring January to be a victory for me.  Watch out February, you have tough shoes to fill!

Weight Watcher Fears

It has been a rough couple of days around here for me with Weight watchers.  And no, it's not what you think, I haven't gone off track eating or gone over my points.  Instead I am getting bogged down in my own head.

I know that I had a good week last week and I am anticipating a smaller week this week, but my head is all tangled up in a big mess of fears.  Fears of the process, fears of the result, fears of failure, and fears of success.

The nearest thing I can think of to compare it to is motherhood.  You know those moments as a new mother when it is all so intense and every decision you make seems fraught with peril?  No?  Just me?  Well, let me explain...

When I had little goat, every decision seemed to have long lasting consequences.  I would spend hours worrying about how things of his preemie beginning might effect him down the road.  Would he fit in with his peers at preschool?  Would he be too clumsy to excel at soccer or some other sport?  Will he get made fun of for being ____.  Once I started worrying about ANYTHING, I was worrying about every tragedy that could befall my child from here until college.  And then I probably started crying because my baby would someday go to college.  This is a bit of hyperbole, but not much.

Or am I the only mom who did this in my hormonal, sleep deprived state?  I didn't have much perspective beyond the seemingly fragile, helpless baby that I was now responsible for.

Like the first time he slept through a feeding in the middle of the night...I woke up in a panic certain he was dead.  Instead he was just sleeping, but it got my heart pounding.

I feel like I'm in the same place now with Weight Watchers.

At first there was some hesitant confidence - I'm doing it and I'm having success - YAY!

But this week in particular seems to be full of head games:  Is this food "enough" points?  Is it too many?  How many should I spend on lunch so I'm full but so I have enough for dinner which I haven't thought to plan yet?  What if this is unsatisfying and leads me to make bad choices?  Is it worth the points?  If I splurge now will it start a spiral downward?  If I splurge now will it keep me from a binge?  What should I consider a splurge anyway?  Have you seen the points for X, I'm never going to get to have X again?  Is bacon worth it?  Ice cream?  What about lunch?  dinner?  Tomorrow?  Did I work out enough?  Should I eat my activity points?  What will maximize my loss?  Did I drink enough water?  Do I need more breakfast?

If you read all that I am impressed with your persistence.

That's the jumble I'm getting myself caught up in.  I have new program tunnel vision and I am vitally afraid of making a mistake that will get me off track because if I get off track I'm not sure I'll be able to find the track again.

And if I do have success what happens then?  Is this mental tennis match a part of every day, every bite, for the rest of my life?  Because I think I'll go crazy.  Or is it simply a function of the "newborn stage" that I'm in.  And if so, how do I get some perspective and realize that is isn't all or nothing.  Because right now I'm ending up with successful days that still leaving me feel like I haven't done enough, and I really don't want that to spiral into some sort of crazy obsession with what I eat and when.  I want it to grow to be easier.

Because right now it is just hard, and a little scary.  And I'm doing everything I can think of right, but I am still afraid.  How dumb is that?  I'm not sure at what point this will become the norm and I will have confidence in my ability to navigate real life with weight loss, but right now weight loss seems like that show WipeOut and I am doing my darnedest not to fall in the water.

 Like this:

(source)

Random Thoughts on Sunday Night

* I don't think the Goat family has had a weekend yet this new year where we all were healthy.  While there is some benefit of illness on the weekend I am sick of it (ha).  I have cleaning to do, cooking to do and menus to plan.  Not to mention work, swimming lessons and other things.  It just adds to frustration.
* Yesterday we were at the ILs to celebrate SIL's 21st birthday.  I had a single serving of full fat ice cream and I was really shocked how sweet it was.  I suppose that is a sign that I'm not craving sugar as much but it was an odd sensation to have something be too sweet. 

* The piece of rum cake I had however was not too sweet, and really, really, really yummy.

* I bought kale the other day.  The plan was to try making kale chips this weekend, which didn't happen but I hope to do it soon.

* I managed to swim laps for 25 minutes straight on Sat.  This was slow and with lots of stroke switching, but I didn't stop.  That felt pretty good.

* Another NSV (non-scale victory) - I had S'mores bars made for our church summer Sunday and I didn't have one, despite the fact that I found the recipe and realy would have liked one.

* On the other hand, today ended up being a very odd "grazing" sort of day for Weight Watchers.  I didn't go over on my points, but I didn't feel balanced or on top of my eating today.  (Of course Mr. Goat had the flu so I was a bit overly cautious on my end).

* But tomorrow is another day - and being at work seems easier to balance things some how.  (Assuming the illness doesn't spread).

* My only comment on the Superbowl - I couldn't watch thanks to the toddle, but in my opinion the winner was the lesser of two evils.  Hopefully it will be the Packers year next year!

* Will someone come do laundry and clean my house for me?

* Or take the toddler for 2 days so I can do it?

* Who am I kidding?  If someone took the toddler for two days I'd just sleep and watch tv (and probably work out twice)

* When I opened this post I had lots of really clever and interesting thoughts.  Now I'm just sleepy.  Oh well.  Perhaps I'll have something brilliant to say tomorrow.

* Probably not.

Weigh In Wednesday - Week 4

I went into this week hoping for a modest lost.  I had tracked all week and done well with my eating, but little Goat's cold, and then my own cold, kept me from the gym more than I'd hoped.  I only made it twice since last Wed, not the 4-5 times that I'd like to make routine.  Still I ate well and was hopeful to get a pound or so.  Instead I was SHOCKED by the scale.  Do you want to be shocked too?  Here it is:

-5.6 pounds THIS WEEK

-12 lbs lost to date

Of all of the numbers I was expecting this was NOT it, but of course I am thrilled.  My instinct says that my body needed a bit of time to realize I was serious about this so it withheld my bigger number longer.  Or maybe my metabolism is doing better.  Or maybe it was focusing on water this week.  Regardless I am very excited to see that number on the scale.  This means I've dropped to another "decade" in the weight loss, hit my 10 lb mark and am only 5 lbs away from my first 5% goal.

Whatever it was that cause the big week this week, I will take it.  I still wish I could better tell where the weight is coming off of, but I trust that it must be coming from somewhere.  And just in case the number isn't exciting enough for me this week, here is the visual of my weight loss.

Not too shabby if I do say so myself!  :D

The trick this week is to not get complacent.  It is almost guaranteed that I'll have a smaller loss or even a small gain next week coming off the big loss, so I need to keep on track and not "reward" my success with things that will get me off track.  I think I can manage that.

And for a final non scale victory, I have tracked for 32 days straight since I joined Weight Watchers.  One whole month of healthy changes down, with success to show for it.  I am committing now to try just as hard all February long!