Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Have I been away too long?

If I just write here today will anyone notice this spill of words on a blog that has stalled?

And what do I say?

Do I ponder the weight loss and stalls and blogging at PriorFatGirl, do I talk about hating potty training, or always being busy, or how little goat is not so little and enjoying preschool and how I can't help but feel a little hole in my soul over how fast he is growing.

Do I say that I miss this place, and you, and the sense of identity the blog helps me discover in myself?  Do I say that life is hard, and beautiful and sometimes I just want to sit awestruck in wonder of it all, but that there is always more to do.

Do I talk about that feeling that everyone seems to have it more together than me, even though I am fairly together these days as my own standards go. 

Do I talk about the funny stories, the painful ones? 

This blog is my blog and I can write about what I want, but the problem is I just don't know.  The words are wrapped up in a knot of yarn.  Tangled by a life of twists and turns and bumps.  I want to unravel that yarn but first you have to find the ends, and coax out the knots.

I want to pause and take a picture of my life and have time to study it before moving on.  To commit each moment to memory, but it seems to zoom by faster and faster.  And I tumble after it trying to keep up and hold on, and I wonder if I can possibly keep up.

What would it mean to just stop the running?  To sit and wonder and commit a moment to memory?  Am I brave enough to try it, even if it means being counter-cultural?

And if I stop, then how do I know I won't be left behind like my blog.  A casualty of busy.  Or is stopping the solution.

So what do you say to start again, or to stop and look and listen and feel, but then to move forward with intent?

I don't know, but I'd like to try.


Marie said...

I have missed your voice! Thank you for posting today. And yes, this is YOUR space, so you can do what you please, guilt free. Blessings, my friend!


Casey said...

Love seeing this!

Roxane B. Salonen said...

Hey Liz! I've had some blogging peaks and valleys myself. At some point, I finally had to let go of it being about the numbers, and be okay with it just being a record that might, or might not, inspire others, but certainly helped me in sorting through details of my life. I think you should keep it up. You express yourself beautifully. I am remiss; I cannot read as many blogs as I used to. But I would notice the void if you left. :)

Valerie said...

Ditto to what Roxane said. It doesn't really matter what you put up or how much you put up, as long as it's you and your voice. I've missed this blog!

Barbara said...

I would miss your voice as well. You have much to share and you do it with grace and beauty. But sometimes we all need a break (look at how little I've blogged in the last couple of years!) so do whatever feels right for you now, in this time and space. {{{HUGS}}}

Bee said...

I've tried posting a comment 2 times but for some reason it's not letting me. What I tried to say is that while you are so incredibly inspiring on PriorFatGirl, if your blog here allows you to be you, your true self, then you should keep it up. We all need someplace that feels like home and your blog here is your home. You can say, do and feel exactly what you want.

Keep it up Liz!