The following was found on Facebook by Garrison Keillor and is all true. It made me smile today and I hope it does for you too.
By Garrison Keillor
I have made fun of Lutherans for years - who wouldn't, if you lived in
Minnesota? But I have also sung with Lutherans and that is one of the
main joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet corn.
We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their excessive calm,
their fear of giving offense, their lack of speed and also for their
secret fondness for macaroni and cheese. But nobody sings like they do.
If you ask an audience in New York City , a relatively Lutheranless
place, to sing along on the chorus of 'Michael Row the Boat Ashore,'
they will look daggers at you as if you had asked them to strip to their
under-wear. But if you do this among Lutherans they'll smile and row
that boat ashore and up on the beach! And down the road!
Lutherans are bred from childhood to sing in four-part harmony. It's a
talent that comes from sitting on the lap of someone singing alto or
tenor or bass and hearing the harmonic intervals by putting your little
head against that person's rib cage. It's natural for Lutherans to sing
in harmony. We're too modest to be soloists, too worldly to sing in
unison. When you're singing in the key of C and you slide into the A7th
and D7th chords, all two hundred of you, it's an emotionally fulfilling
I once sang the bass line of Children of the Heavenly
Father in a room with about three thousand Lutherans in it; and when we
finished, we all had tears in our eyes, partly from the promise that God
will not forsake us, partly from the proximity of all those lovely
voices. By our joining in harmony, we somehow promise that we will not
forsake each other.
I do believe this: These Lutherans are the
sort of people you could call up when you're in deep distress. If
you're dying, they'll comfort you. If you're lonely, they'll talk to
you. And if you're hungry, they'll give you tuna salad!
following list was compiled by a 20th century Lutheran who, observing
other Lutherans, wrote down exactly what he saw or heard:
1. Lutherans believe in prayer, but would practically die if asked to pray out loud.
2. Lutherans like to sing, except when confronted with a new hymn or a hymn with more than four stanzas.
3. Lutherans believe their pastors will visit them in the hospital, even if they don't notify them that they are there.
4. Lutherans usually follow the official liturgy and will feel it is their way of suffering for their sins.
5. Lutherans believe in miracles and even expect miracles, especially
during their stewardship visitation programs or when passing the plate.
6. Lutherans feel that applauding for their children's choirs would make the kids too proud and conceited.
7. Lutherans think that the Bible forbids them from crossing the aisle while passing the peace.
8. Lutherans drink coffee as if it were the Third Sacrament.
9. Some Lutherans believe that an ELCA bride and an LC-MS groom make
for a mixed marriage. (For those of you who are not Lutherans, ELCA is
Evangelical Lutheran Church in America and LC-MS is Lutheran Church -
Missouri Synod. When and where I grew up in Minnesota , intermarriage
between the two was about as popular as Lutherans and Catholics
10. Lutherans feel guilty for not staying to clean up after their own wedding reception in the Fellowship Hall.
11. Lutherans are willing to pay up to one dollar for a meal at church.
12. Lutherans think that Garrison Keillor stories are totally factual.
13. Lutherans still serve Jell-O in the proper liturgical color of the
season and think that peas in a tuna noodle casserole add too much
14. Lutherans believe that it is OK to poke fun at themselves and never take themselves too seriously.
And finally, you know you're a Lutheran when:
*It's 100 degrees, with 90% humidity, and you still have coffee after the service;
*You hear something really funny during the sermon and smile as loudly as you can;
*Donuts are a line item in the church budget, just like coffee;
*The communion cabinet is open to all, but the coffee cabinet is locked up tight;
*When you watch a STAR WARS movie and they say, :May the Force be with you," you respond, "And also with you."