Monday, March 05, 2012

It is...

I need to get in the writing groove again.  It is so much easier to focus on my weight loss efforts while I am typing things out and making sure I document the things I realize along the way.  Otherwise I am apt to forget them all over again.  So here are a few thoughts on where I am at right now - one of my goals this week is to blog about the journey more and see how it helps my focus and determination.

It is funny...
I am anticipating a weight gain this week, but not with much dread, or at least not with as much dread as I might have a few weeks ago.  One reason is that I know that I've had really good weeks lately and that my own body sometimes needs to compensate for itself.  Two is that I know I am doing the work I need to, so if it doesn't happen this week it will happen sooner or later.

It is strange...
I worked out every day this weekend after having to miss my first water kettlebells class Thursday due to daycare crud.  Friday's walk was a mess and I was still feeling the effects of having been sick on Thursday, but Saturday's elliptical and Sunday's turbo kick class were (dare I say it?) FUN!  The feeling of moving my body was fun.  I still feel like a fish out of water most of the time at the gym but the sweat and the burn and the effort made me feel good.  It is strange to me but hopefully first of many good workouts to come.

It is hard...
There are people starting to notice my success.  Some times I think it is more because they have seen the blogs or a facebook update and know to look, but I wonder if they really do see something.  Most of the time I don't.  But the hard part is knowing how to respond to their praise.  You see, I know I am doing a good job, but I am mindful that it is a small success on a much larger journey.  I don't want to get ahead of myself and am always trying to keep my attitude balanced between acknowledging what I am accomplishing and keeping focused for the long haul.  When people say they see a difference I tend to clam up and stammer, "Well I'm trying..." in a sheepish manner.  I am not embarrassed of my accomplishments, but I am embarrassed by how much remains to do.  24 pounds bring some people to their goal weight, but the reality is that it doesn't even get me under 300 pounds yet.  So I need to figure out how to celebrate with friends rooting me on without the embarrassment of having gotten there in the first place.

It is delicious...
I used some weekly points on fish and chips this weekend and they were delicious, but the 4pt wild rice soup and the big salad that we made the next night were delicious too.  I'm definitely getting more of a taste for veggies.

It is disheartening...
I feel so self-centered lately focusing on my weight loss.  I have not been good about getting to other people's blogs, or even checking in with people who I know are struggling.  I am almost oblivious to the world news right now - I had to ask Mr. Goat what was up with Rush Limbaugh nearly two days after the story blew up.  Much of our family time right now includes dropping off E in the gym childcare so that we can work out.  When he's at daycare so much anyway it is sad to think about.  But, I have to be committed to this in order for it too succeed.  I just have a hard time finding the balance.  It isn't even about finding time for TV or relaxing, it is just about finding time to play with my son.  God knows I've already practically given my house over to the mess.

It is heartwarming...
To know how many people are rooting me on and insisting that I am strong enough to do it.  I want to be stronger because of all of your support and care.  I want to succeed for me, but I believe I can succeed partially because you all seem to believe it too.  I really can't thank you enough.

6 comments:

Kat said...

When people noticed my weight loss, I NEVER knew what to say. I would just clam up. Whatever response feels natural is the right one. And if you're in the mood for some good old fashioned praise from others (even though you feel like you're still so far from the end), take it in! They're offering it to you because they are acknowledging your accomplishment thus far and the steps you are going to continue to take. You are worthy of that praise and notice.

It is such a journey, so what I'll say to you for now is Stay Strong, Sister - You Are Doing This. I'm very proud of you, Liz.

Marjorie said...

Just think that E is getting a healthy momma who will be happier and have more energy since you are committed to losing this weight!

Momma Hunt said...

I can really connect with your post. SOmetimes loosing weight and all that goes into seems so selfish. Also for me when my life gets stressful it is the first thing to go becasue it does take time and engery and patience. Yet, I know this is what my family needs a happy and healthy mommma!

Valerie said...

I know it's hard with E, but just think, you're giving yourself extra years with him in the future. What's a few minutes lost now? Oh, and in the summer, when it's warmer out, I'm sure you'll be able to do plenty with him.

Marie said...

I don't think for a second that you're being selfish. You are taking care of yourself and your family, and THAT'S what's important right now. Besides, you give back in ways that you don't even know.

Amelia Sprout said...

Do not worry about being self centered. You are doing what is best of you, the rest of us will get over it. You are awesome, and strong, and I am so happy for you.