It happened. I gained weight. Oh not that much, but enough. Despite the fact that I tracked and followed things all week long here was the result:
-11.4 lbs lost to date
I know it is probably a function of my big loss last week, and likely hormones, and possibly muscle gain, but I am still upset by it. I am upset because I did everything I was supposed to! I did my part and my body didn't cooperate.
When I found this out I was sitting in my meeting eating my breakfast after weigh in (I bring it so I don't eat before the weigh in). As I ate I thought,
"I want more of this. Or I want to eat all the products stacked around the room. Or I want to drive through. I want to eat the cake I choose not to eat at the work party yesterday. If doing this right still leads to a gain, then screw it, I'll just eat crap."Eating crap though is exactly what got me to this point in the first place. This is the tough point. The point I have to double my efforts and stay on track despite the fact that I'm mad and sad that this is a mess of my own creation.
I know it is my body sorting things out but it brings to light my biggest fear of this whole process:
What if I give it everything I have and it still isn't enough to make a change? What if my best can't overcome my weight?
I want to wrap this up in a positive. I do, and I'm not planning to give up, but the truth is that today I'm more than a bit scared that all my efforts seem futile. I know that is not the case. I know. I just need my body to know it too.