Wednesday, February 08, 2012

Weigh In - Week 5


It happened.  I gained weight.  Oh not that much, but enough.  Despite the fact that I tracked and followed things all week long here was the result:

+.6 pounds
-11.4 lbs lost to date

I know it is probably a function of my big loss last week, and likely hormones, and possibly muscle gain, but I am still upset by it.  I am upset because I did everything I was supposed to!  I did my part and my body didn't cooperate.

When I found this out I was sitting in my meeting eating my breakfast after weigh in (I bring it so I don't eat before the weigh in).  As I ate I thought,
"I want more of this.  Or I want to eat all the products stacked around the room.  Or I want to drive through.  I want to eat the cake I choose not to eat at the work party yesterday.  If doing this right still leads to a gain, then screw it, I'll just eat crap."
Eating crap though is exactly what got me to this point in the first place.  This is the tough point.  The point I have to double my efforts and stay on track despite the fact that I'm mad and sad that this is a mess of my own creation.

I know it is my body sorting things out but it brings to light my biggest fear of this whole process:

What if I give it everything I have and it still isn't enough to make a change?  What if my best can't overcome my weight?

I want to wrap this up in a positive.  I do, and I'm not planning to give up, but the truth is that today I'm more than a bit scared that all my efforts seem futile.  I know that is not the case.  I know.  I just need my body to know it too.


Meredith said...

I gain every month the week before TOM, no exceptions. I also gain if I have had anxiety/worries the majority of the week. Our bodies go into survival mode with mental distress. You've had a sick family, you've been struggling with worry this week, you had a big loss last week and you have hormones stacked against you. 0.6 is nothing! I highly suggest a relaxing shower, some herbal tea and a post about 3 good results of your weight loss and at least one learning opportunity. Then plan some meals, plan some snacks and plan to succeed!

Valerie said...

First of all, 0.6 lb is probably just water weight due to stress or something. It's nothing.

Second, you said it could be muscle loss, but it's probably muscle gain. Remember, muscle weighs more than fat.

Last, your best is more than enough. Have confidence in yourself. And guess what. If things don't go exactly as planned, then you'll find a new best. You'll work out harder, or work with a doctor, or eat even better. I know you'll find that reserve of strength somewhere, and you'll continue on. Do you know how I know? Because you haven't given up after today. Because you have done so well all month. Because you have your whole life ahead of you, and you don't want to live it with regrets. Embrace that number, accept it for what it is, and work towards next week.

Laura P said...

I've had those same thoughts regarding food and wanting it all now! Here's the thing though, that food wont solve anything. You are making great strides in your journey to a healthier life. Look to the positive and try not to let the scale dictate your progress.

Thinking of you and cheering you on.

Anonymous said...

FWIW, I have been tracking for 3 months, and there is a very clear pattern of lose 3 weeks, gain 1 week (but overall a downward trend). Yay for being female! The PPs are right: 0.6 is nothing!

Sabrina said...

Don't beat yourself up. Or give up! You are a strong woman! I have so much faith in you. The others are correct, it's all part of nature.

Smile and keep going! :)

Kate said...

It's like being on a long climb, and as you tire, you slow or step back one or two steps to rest. You're still climbing and it can get tiring. Some days you climb faster, others, not so much. But you're still climbing.

You're still climbing. And you have known this could happen. And it's only .6 and SO not worth beating yourself over the head with it.

You're still climbing. Still.