Jen asked an important question today on her blog - What keeps you motivated? What keeps you inspired?
These are vital questions for me and they boil down to my very favorite people, but for the sake of reminding myself here is what motivates me.
1. My Son
I want to dance with him at weddings, cry with him over hurts. I want to model a healthy magical amazing zest for life. I want to teach him that food is fuel and our choices are our own and no one else's. I want to hug him each night before he goes to sleep and whisper in his ear how much I love him.
I want to protect my heart walking through the world by attending to my own heart and health.
2. My husband
I want to grow old with Mr. Goat. I want to figure out how to be healthy together, side by side. I want to be strong when he is weak, and to have strength given when I need it. I don't want to leave him the struggle of being a single parent. I want to look good naked, or at least be self confident in my own skin. I want a 50 year anniversary, or a 65 year anniversary. I want to be surrounded by our children, and grandchildren and know that we've worked hard together for something beautiful and lasting. I want my love for him and little goat to be stronger than my love for food.
3. My future kids
I want to be healthy to risk pregnancy with fewer chances of the complications I had the first time. I want to have the energy to face late nights, early mornings and marathon mothering. I want to look in the mirror and see a pregnant belly, not just another bump on a lumpy tummy. I don't want to have to leave a child in the NICU if I can help it. I don't want to be the weak link in carrying a baby to term. I want to meet more children of ours with the knowledge that I am healthier than I ever was.
I don't want to judge myself based on what I see in the mirror. I want to shop in the regular stores. I want to keep up, and drive the pace. I want to be the instigator, not the one dragging her feet. I don't want to hold anyone back, least of all myself. I want to see the world, and fit into an airplane seat. I want to look like I belong in a gym, not like an imposter. I don't want to be called fat by children at church or the grocery store. I want to be healthy and happy so that I can care for others. I want to stop saying "I can't." I want to believe I am capable of daunting tasks. I want to be full of possibilities. I want to wander without being lost, and run without being chased. I want to be the hero of my own adventure. I want to face my fears and triumph. I want to see magic in everything. I want to be able to see God's image in me.
And that, dear friends, is why I am on this path, long and hard though it may be. Because all of that...that is what I really want. Not the brownie, or the chips, or the pounds. I want my life to be full, not just my stomach.