Thursday, October 27, 2011

Testing

I'm testing this out.  Being back.  Diving in again.  I've missed this, this corner of the world, this spot of my own, this wardrobe to a world of my own creation.  And I've missed my friends here - you - those folks who read my words and gently carry my heart through them. 

The truth is that life has seemed hard lately.  Not hard because life is bad or the I'm surrounded by tragedy and crisis.  Just hard in my own thinking, of my own brain power and motivation and identity.  But I'm working on breaking through - with help thankfully.

I don't know how much I have to say yet, or the words that strengthen and not tear away, but I have the courage to try.  To be authentically me.  So I'm testing this out.  I'm testing me out again, rather than the not-so me I've been feeling.  Or too-much me?  I'm not sure but here I am. 

Me.

Such as it is.  Testing and Tested and Trying again.

Thanks for waiting.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

There and Back again?

Every night for over a week I go to bed and think, "Darn, I didn't blog today"  But the reality is that I'm not feeling it lately.  I feel swamped and more than overwhelmed and for the first time since I've started this blog 6 years ago the blog doesn't seem to be a relaxing solution to me.  I have blog posts waiting to be written and the desire has turned to apathy.

I really don't like apathy as an emotional response and I'm not sure why I'm there, but for now it's there.  And I just can't seem to force myself past it, and I wonder if I even should be trying to.  I do love blogging and it has given me so many gifts over the last several years, but I just don't know what or where I want to go right now.

And I don't know whether I have the time to do it either.

In short...   Blog questions abound that I don't have answers for.  I feel some loyalty to the wonderful community here but wonder if I'm a contributing voice right now.  There is so much that I am NOT doing right now - working out, eating right, blogging, cleaning, etc.  Instead I just tread water to make it through each week a second before the doors clang shut.  (Think Indiana Jones).

So I just don't know.  I'd love any input you guys have.  I suspect I'll be back soon, but right now I can't seem to bring it to the blog.  I'm sorry.

I'll be back?

Monday, October 03, 2011

Random Thoughts

It is time for some Random Thoughts - aka, I have lots to say but no time to write!  Ready?  Here goes...

* Why is it that the CIA has radio commercials recruiting for jobs right now?  I've heard them on my commute in several times in the last several weeks and they just baffle me.  I mean doesn't the job require a bit more than being able to listen to the radio?  I assume they have an extensive job hiring process but it still strikes me as odd every time.

* I co-hosted a shower for a friend expecting twins yesterday.  It was a good shower and the cake was super cute.  It read "Twice the blessing, twice the fun," although since yesterday Mr. Goat has been going around saying "Twice the blessing, twice the poop"  Which is also true but also not quite cake appropriate.

* Today I found a pair of boots that fit, with the help of @fabuliss and her #bootup event.  I'll post pictures this week, but this is the first time in an over 3 year search that I found a pair of boots I could wear.  It almost makes up for the price tag!  Still, this is huge

* I am sad thinking about a friend who will likely lose a brother soon.  It isn't necessarily a bad thing as it has been a long time coming but still a sad thing.

* I am loving the lovely 70 degree fall weather lately.  It could stay this way for a LONG time please!

* But since I am a realist, does anyone have a working snow blower they want to get rid of?

* Time to buy some chapstick though.

* Speaking of radio commercials, there is one for "shift work syndrome" that i hear sometimes driving home.  It talks about shift work workers having trouble with sleeping and sleepiness, it goes on to tell them to try this pill and then goes on to list every side effect in the world as a risk for this pill.  Seems like a tough fix for a little sleepiness.

* The Packers are 4-0 and the Brewers are in the playoffs.  Glad I'm still a WI girl at heart in this pretty sad MN sports season.  Of course my Packers will always be team number 1 in my heart.

* Also the Lions are 4-0.  What is up with that?

* Hey look, the football game is over, that must mean it is time for bed.  Good night blogland, sweet dreams!