Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Being Found

There is something about choosing to not hide any longer that is scary.  I wrote a post yesterday and was fearful of sending it out there.  I know why - it is hard to be vulnerable in today's world.  It is hard to say, "right now, I'm not ok" and leave it out there for the world to see.  I wasn't so much worried about the grace that my friends would give me in knowing, and grace they did.  The calls, and comments, and messages I received yesterday were a powerful wave of love to get me through the difficulty of being so open and vulnerable.  I am so thankful for each and every one of you.  As my dad said last night on the phone, "You have some really great friends."

Yes, I do.

It is people who are willing to love me while broken and vulnerable, as God loves us in our brokenness, that give me the strength to admit that I'm not ok, or that I wasn't ok but am working on getting ok again.  You've given me grace that I cannot always give myself.  And yes, I want to meet for coffee and lunch and walks and chats.  I want to be out there and myself - even if I'm a little broken down right now.

Even that is a change - I WANT - to do things.  I don't want to go about the motions for appearance sake.  I want to do the things I love again.

I'm not "cured."  I'm still broken and battered but I want to build myself up again.  And I am so thankful that I can do it with all of you.

Thank you for your grace and your love and your acceptance.

And I hope that in sharing maybe someone else can realize they are hiding in plain sight too.  I was amazed by how many people shared they were familiar with what I was going through.  We shouldn't be afraid to share our struggles, there are people out there who understand and want to help.

I want to help because I need help myself.

You don't have to stay hidden.  People want to come find you, but they need to know that you are hiding.  Let yourself be found and loved.  You are not alone.

I am not alone.

And makes it a beautiful, better, albeit still broken, day.

1 comment:

Marie said...

While I wouldn't wish this on anyone, you write so eloquently about the stuggles you are facing. I'm positive I'm not the only person who can relate.

These days, running to the grocery store or taking a shower requires a tremendous effort. I pray that you will have a speedy recovery and begin to feel like "yourself" again.

I don't know if these are "right" words, because it's so different for everyone. Just know that you are helping me by helping yourself and sharing.