Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Out of Phase

There is this thing that happens in sci fi - something happens to the protagonist (time travel, evil alien host, parallel universe, transporter accident, what have you...) and they end up out of phase.  Either they seem to be jumping in and out of time, or fading in and out of space, or they are trapped somehow watching others blindly hurtling toward uncertain doom.

I feel out of phase right now, like my electrons are flying away and I'm not entirely solid.  I feel like I am watching myself making the same bad choices that I always make - excuses and bad foods, and I am trapped behind plate glass trying to pound some sense into my pod person body but unable to be heard.

But I am out of sync - out of sync with work, and family and my body and my diet.  Just off.  Even today was the first day since Friday was the first day I felt somewhat towards normal.  And I know that the schedule plays a roll, and so does my allergies, and the back pain stuff and various others pieces.  But I want to escape and come back in phase.  I just don't know how yet.  The only moments I've felt the most me right now was been my cuddles with little goat at bedtime.  The weight of him anchors me and keeps me from flying away and flying apart.

So I am blogging my plate glass poundings tonight in hopes that tomorrow I will wake up and feel normal again and ready to move forward on all of the dreams, goals and aspirations I am harboring.  And if not, then I'll move forward trying to reach them even though I am out of phase. 

Still if anyone has a sci fi solution to this unmoored feeling I've got I'm totally open to it.

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