For those who wanted to know. The voting is up for the Future PriorFatGirl Mom edition today. It will be up for a week. I wanted to let you know since some of you asked, but don't feel you have to vote for me. There are 8 other women who wrote their pain and their struggle into a post too and all of us are deserving.
As for me, blogging about my weight and journey of weight loss does help me, it makes me accountable to myself, it gives me support, but it also helps me see more clearly the effects of my weight. Whether I do that here or on the PriorFatGirl site, it is something I need to do to keep myself on track.
Sometimes people have said, wow, that takes so much bravery, or courage or vulnerability to put yourself out there. And yes, sometimes it feels a little to real and raw for the causal acquaintance or complete stranger who may sometimes read my blog, But consider the alternate. It is cowardly to sit in my weight struggle alone, where I am likely to give up, binge or forget what I am working for. It is cowardly to use food as a shield to keep people from seeing the real me. It is cowardly to wrap my weight up into my introvertedness and past hurts and keep it tight like a blanket around me.
Transparency and vulnerability is the only way I've found of saying "Yes my weight is a problem" and "No, that doesn't make me a bad person" at the same time. Because there is guilt and shame hidden there, but public acknowlegemnet of it allows me to feel the feelings there and still be in a place of support and love. And a lot of that is thanks to the community of blogging that is so supportive of me.
I'm amazed, I've never had a troll comment on my blog. I've had spammers, but no trolls spreading hate and evil. The only troll I ever hear from is the one inside my own head. But you all help eradicate it with your encouragement of me. And that is why I blog about this journey (and others too), because I am more free, more safe and more secure in myself when I choose to be transparent.
If you are afraid, and believe me I am often afraid, the best thing I have found is to do the very thing that scares you. For me, that is being honest here. Being honest with myself and with you. And yes, I feel vulnerable sometimes, but I've never been let down yet. So I keep on keeping on, one step, one pound, one workout at a time.