Monday, April 25, 2011

On vulnerablity and voting

For those who wanted to know.  The voting is up for the Future PriorFatGirl Mom edition today.  It will be up for a week.  I wanted to let you know since some of you asked, but don't feel you have to vote for me.  There are 8 other women who wrote their pain and their struggle into a post too and all of us are deserving.

As for me, blogging about my weight and journey of weight loss does help me, it makes me accountable to myself, it gives me support, but it also helps me see more clearly the effects of my weight.  Whether I do that here or on the PriorFatGirl site, it is something I need to do to keep myself on track.

Sometimes people have said, wow, that takes so much bravery, or courage or vulnerability to put yourself out there.  And yes, sometimes it feels a little to real and raw for the causal acquaintance or complete stranger who may sometimes read my blog,  But consider the alternate.  It is cowardly to sit in my weight struggle alone, where I am likely to give up, binge or forget what I am working for.  It is cowardly to use food as a shield to keep people from seeing the real me.  It is cowardly to wrap my weight up into my introvertedness and past hurts and keep it tight like a blanket around me.

Transparency and vulnerability is the only way I've found of saying "Yes my weight is a problem" and "No, that doesn't make me a bad person" at the same time.  Because there is guilt and shame hidden there, but public acknowlegemnet of it allows me to feel the feelings there and still be in a place of support and love.  And a lot of that is thanks to the community of blogging that is so supportive of me.

I'm amazed, I've never had a troll comment on my blog.  I've had spammers, but no trolls spreading hate and evil.  The only troll I ever hear from is the one inside my own head.  But you all help eradicate it with your encouragement of me.  And that is why I blog about this journey (and others too), because I am more free, more safe and more secure in myself when I choose to be transparent. 

If you are afraid, and believe me I am often afraid, the best thing I have found is to do the very thing that scares you.  For me, that is being honest here.  Being honest with myself and with you.   And yes, I feel vulnerable sometimes, but I've never been let down yet.  So I keep on keeping on, one step, one pound, one workout at a time.


Sarah - Fat Little Legs said...

I was over there voting for you first thing this morning! I am rooting for you 100%. By the way, thanks so much for your kind comment on my blog about my fears. I certainly believe in the power of prayer, and no matter what the outcome of my pregnancy, God knows the plans he has for me... for all of us really. I have to remember that is was actually my experience with my first pregnancy that led me down the road to lose my weight, and get healthier. God certainly knew what he was doing... without a doubt.

Ann said...

Liz, you are so great and I am so proud of you!!!

Samantha said...

You go girl! I voted this morning and have instructed my husband to do the same. :) He reads Jen's blog as well and wondered who I was voting for, to which I immediately replied "LIZ! Vote for Liz!" :) Good luck lady! I have my fingers crossed for you!

fritzfacts said...

I voted as soon as i saw that voting was up. I am so proud of you for putting yourself out there, for taking that chance once again. You are such a wonder and inspiration to me!

Casey said...

I'm not sure if you've ever read her blog, but Heather @ NotADIYLife has some great posts on getting healthy and weight loss.