Tomorrow I am going into a NICU to see two adorable twins born early. Their mom had a variation of the same issue I did and her children came into the world too soon as a result. Now a month old they are thriving and I am looking forward to connecting to the family and giving the mom a huge hug for enduring exactly what I know she is enduring (x2).
We've tried to meet at least 2 times before but baby goat illnesses have kept us apart. I'm not willing to risk being a petri dish to two tiny girls. God willing, we are on board for lunch tomorrow. I'll likely get to see the girls too and face the cords and the beeping.
I have to admit, I have some anxiety here. On the one hand, I see clearly the beauty of a premature baby. On first glance it may seem that they are not that cute as babies go - with tubes and wrinkly skin, or in baby goat's case covered in hair like some wrinkly hairy old man. But there is miraculous beauty in those tiny children. The tiniest of feet and hands, the depth of their eyes that seem to know more than a newborn could. They are so beautiful that they catch my heart in a vice and refuse to let go. It was true of baby goat too.
But there are the reminders too. Tubes and beeps and the foam sanitizer. I remember the panic that rose in my throat by the soap of the hospital earlier this month when we spent a few days getting baby goat's asthma under control. Most of the time the NICU process fades in the vibrancy of baby goat's laugh and the urgency in is running. He is so far removed from the tiny baby he once was.
Will it be ok for me? Will I jump at every beep like I used to? I have no idea, but I feel compelled to go. I feel so strongly that NICU families need to be upheld and supported and if I can help in any way then I want to be there to help. It seems impossible that I could have made it through without the support I had from my family and my friends and from you here on my blog. And if my experience can be helpful to another, or reassuring, even if it is just a chance to vent and commiserate then I want to be there.
Still I wonder what I'll have to face emotionally once I get there. On the other hand, I get to meet two adorable little girls tomorrow, and honestly what could be better than that.
** I'm considering whether or not to do March for Babies this year to help raise money for prematurity research and support. I wish the Metro walks weren't on a Sunday but I'm considering taking the day off from church anyway. IF I walked would anyone want to be on baby goat's team with me and/or help me raise some funds? (A big IF so far).