Thursday, January 13, 2011

Infinity Plus One

Well, I've been to the gym twice in the last two days.  It is a good start for me.  I hope to go tomorrow but we'll see how long the various appts I have go.  Still, this plus Saturday for sure means 3 times this week.  That's darn good for starting up again.

I've kept the food journal these last two days as well.  I've been diligent and the results are...pretty ugly.  I'm going to need to do some serious figuring out in the food department.  I eat crap, and I eat too much, and I eat too much crap.

I also accomplished my third goal - facing the scale.  I hesitate to post the number here because the number seems so judging to me.  And it feels like admiting it will make you all judge me more than any words I write here.

But I need to face the reality of the number too.  So here goes...335.8 lbs

(ducks head in shame)

*******

If you ever had a sibling perhaps you have had the following exchange with any number of phrases filling the blank

Liz:  "I _______ to a hundred!"

Liz's sister: "Well, I _____________ to a thousand!"

Liz: "I _______ to a million!!"


Liz's sister: "Well, I _____________ to infinity!"


Liz's: "Well, I _____________ to infinity plus one!!"
That is what my weight loss journey feels like sometimes.  That the task ahead of me is so daunting that it is infinite.  It is that thinking that makes me delay in making the changes I need to.  Because really infinity and infinity plus one are the same thing.  They are both infinite.  My stomach says that starting today is the same as starting tomorrow or the day after that because it is such an impossible, never-ending task that there is virtually no distinction between today and tomorrow.

But the reality is very different.  The journey to wellness may be undefined but it is finite!  There will be and end to it and I have to remember that just because something seems difficult doesn't mean it is a insurmountable challenge.

So you get the real honest number.  I can't stop you from judging me, but the reality is fat people are judged everyday.  We are judged by our society, but mostly we are judged by ourselves.  I judge myself at the very same time as I avoid the issue.

So instead I am facing the issue and ditching the judgement.  Or trying to.

And today, well, even if today is infinity, which its not, it is infinity minus two and that has to count for something.

15 comments:

krisgetshealthy said...

I am so proud of you Liz! Congrats on making it to the gym! I hope you are proud of yourself too! Take a moment and give yourself a GIANT pat on the back or an out loud WOOHOO with a fist pump for it and bask in the glow that you are doing what you need to do to make yourself healthy.
In reality there are so many components to health.
Look at baby goat (those photos of him are SO CUTE) and you will see that his journey to health is recent weeks is not about his weight but about many other pieces to the puzzle. Yes a number is assigned to our body. Whether it is our BMI or weight, or whatever it is still a number. We get to determine how these numbers make us feel. Reality is numbers change. 335.8 is not the end of the world! I don't know if it is the heaviest you have ever been, or will ever be. However for now it is a starting point. A Launch pad if you will, into a fresh start. Do not hang your head in shame. Hold you head up and face those numbers because you are doing something about them.

A Food Journal is a wonderful tool to have in your arsenal. I have been keeping mine for over a year now, started as a notebook and pen, and I was uncomfortable with that. I now use my iPod to track what I eat. It is amazing how quickly you realise where the crap in your diet is. The trick is to be honest with your journal. You never have to show it to someone else, (unless you are seeing a nutritionist then its helpful)

So heres to Non-Infinity -2! I can't wait to see you Saturday! We will have a great time!

scrubmama said...

One of my favorite quotes:

"Leap and the net will appear!"

Go Liz!

Midwest Elle said...

My motto live by this year is 'Nothing is Impossible'

I also LOVE the quote that scrubmama wrote.

trishatfox said...

Good for you for getting started. Every day DOES matter. Try not looking out so far ahead. The idea of taking it one day at a time really does make sense. And that first day starts right now. I am proud of you.

darcie said...

I'm with Trish...every little thing matters...they add up so quickly...its so very eye opening...today was my first day really truly nd journaling for ww. Wow. What an eye opener THAT is...but you've got to believe. I believe in you.

Valerie said...

Liz, you can do whatever you put your mind to. You've achieved your Masters, you have a career that you love, you make a wonderful, caring mother, you're a FANTASTIC sister and SIL, and you're an all-in-all great person. This journey may seem long, but it's absolutely nothing compared to everything else you've done. You've got this one in the bag.

That said, we're here to help and support you in whatever way we can. If you need any help (recipes, training buddy, anything) don't hesitate to ask.

One last thing, and then this long comment will be done. Definitely don't look at this as a huge journey. Look at it as a series of steps. First step, cut out the crap. Second step, lose 10 pounds. Third step, fit into that shirt that's just slightly too tight right now. Before you know it, you'll be healthy and vibrant, and you'll feel great. We're here for ya!

Kate said...

I agree with everyone who is saying to take your eyes off the end result and try to focus on attaining little goals. Make one food change a day, then make two. Focus on losing the first 5#, then the next. Then up it to 10.

And celebrate those baby steps, because as you know, baby Goat did not just get up and start running. He fell down a lot as he learned to walk. Learn the little steps before making the bigger strides.

Colleen said...

XOXOX!

I think you are a rockstar -- you already know that I think that... pretty soon you will think that about yourself! 'Cause it's the darn truth!

Breathe. One foot in front of the other. You WILL get there!

P.S. My trainer is sort of a woo-woo type of gal, and when you walked away after checking in at the gym with me the other day - she said, "she is so powerful." Put that in your back pocket when you need it. My trainer is always right. Like, she told me I'd be really sore today, and guess what, she was right. :-)

Kristina said...

I found your blog through your entry to the PriorFatGirl contest I think. I'm also a Twin Cities girl myself so I enjoy following you and your family. I just want to say that You.Can.Do.This. Good luck and we all can't wait to cheer you on!

Alexa said...

Liz,

You've taken that big first step, and it's a BRAVE one. I think by putting it out there what you weigh, you're holding yourself accountable now to others to decrease that number.

The little goals are a great idea, as it will make it not feel as daunting.

Does your insurance cover a nutritionist? Most of them do for one or two sessions, and she could help you map out a plan for what is good food for you to eat on this journey, and the number of calories you should be consuming as well.

Also, as the warmer months approach, I'm sure working out will be easier. We can all go for walks together (does baby goat have a stroller so he can come?) Plus, swimming at the Y with Baby Goat is great exercise too.

Can't wait to see how you grab this opportunity by the horns and go for it!

Becky said...

I'm so proud of you! You can do this. You are strong and have great resolve. GO GET 'EM!

and let me know if there is anything I can do to help or motivate? We can work together!

Bonnie@TheFragileXFiles said...

Good for you. Very brave. Braver than I. I'm rooting for you from just down the road. ;-)

Marie said...

Liz,
I'm so with you; fat people are judged and always have been, always will be. I'm on my third, (yes third) attempt at Weight Watchers. The first time it work for ten pounds, but then I quit. The second time, I just wasted my money, which is what I fear I'm doing now. But despite all this, will being an ideal weight make us happy? I hope so, because if I ever get there, it better be worth it. Blessings to you and know that you are not on this journey alone.
Marie

Sarah - Fat Little Legs said...

Liz - there was no need to duck your head after posting your weight. You own it girl. Now that it is there... you can do something about it. Make your own success. I know you are a strong lady, and I have a feeling that you will win this battle. Like I told you yesterday, just from reading your blog I see much of me in you. We have walked a similiar road, in the past and now you're going to walk the road of weight loss success too!

Let me know if there is ever ANY way I can help you. I mean it.

fritzfacts said...

I believe with all my heart that you can achieve any goal, with all my heart.

Each step counts, each moment. One day at a time is all you can do, and that IS enough.

Much love my friend.