Thursday, September 16, 2010

Missing You.

You were half asleep by the time I got home today.  It is hard, not getting that time to play, to chat, to interact.  It is hard not too see whatever new trick or word you've learned.  These weeks are necessary to put in the hard work to start the year on top of things.  Life should slow next week, or at least I keep insisting on that.

These are the days I wonder if being a working mom is worth it.  I love my job, I am lucky.  I work because we both need to work but I do have a job I love and most of the time that is enough to justify my time away.  But when it adds up and cuts down into my already precious time then I worry that I'm causing you pain.

Do you know how much I love you?  Do you know how it hurts to be away?  Do you know?

I want to work differently with this new job.  I want to put in my time and dedication like I always have, but I want to consistently choose my family first when it comes to it.  It is hard to be a perfectionist in a job that's only limitation is my time and the church's resources.  It is so easy to say to myself "I'll just finish this up" and stay and before you know it another hour has passed.  I want to say, "no it is time to go home, it can wait." 

These last two weeks very little could wait, but this is the goal.  Can a job be a vocation and still just a job?  I hope so.  I miss you baby goat.  I miss you Mr. Goat. I can't wait for next week.


Roxane B. Salonen said...

Liz, you're breaking my heart! These are the tugs at my heart that caused me to run back home after trying it out in the working world. Then again, I didn't figure this out right away, with the first child. Eventually, it became clear what I was to do. Not everyone can or chooses that path. For me, I know it was right. I want you to be happy and feel like you are giving the best of yourself to each aspect of your life. I also know how torn I was. Keep praying and discerning. God will lead you to the place you are to go, and where that is this year may be different next year. At the very least, I appreciated your honesty. I think some working mothers deny these very raw feelings, but they are real and need to at least be acknowledged.

MollyinMinn said...

It's so hard isn't it? Finding this balance when there really is none. It's just hard.

But yes, I have to believe they know.

fritzfacts said...

Finding that balance is so hard, but he knows. Trust me he knows that your love is always there, that you are always there!