Monday, August 02, 2010

A sign

An excerpt from Sunday's first reading at the New Church -

I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me.  And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless.  So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. .  ~ Ecclesiastes 2:18-20

This was part of the first reading this Sunday.  Mr. Goat and I were at our New Church for the first time.  Baby goat was in the nursery having fun flirting with the girls in charge.  It has been hard for me to let go my worry and concern and anger and sadness from the Old Church.  I had put in so much time there.  Those programs, they are MINE, I had shaped them and guided them for so long that it felt like something in my life was missing.

And I worried for them.  My concern for my kids and my families superceded my anger at the way things happened.  I wanted to say goodbye, to say "I'm sorry it is ending this way, it wasn't my choice'" and let them know that I still care.  But that hasn't been possible so far.  Of course part of me also wants to have the last word and prove to the Old Church that they've made a horrible mistake letting me go.  The vindictive part of me wants them to regret sending me away.

As excited and thrilled as I was to start my new position these thoughts kept creeping back in, that is until the first reading on Sunday.

And I stopped.

And listened.

There was WORD there in that Bible passage for me at that time.  The Word of God reminding me, telling me, showing me that it is ok and even necessary to let the past month be in the past.  That God will care the Old Church, that God will care for me and the New Church.

The passage generally refers to the fact that you can't take "stuff" with you after you die, but I think it works for me too.  I cannot be fully present for New Church if I am dwelling in the emotions and anxiety that the Old Church left behind.  And so I am choosing to be fully present.  My work is important for me and I will serve in my vocation at the New Church completely.  I will still support my old church friends and hope that the Old Church succeeds, but it is no longer about me.

It is funny isn't it, that God gives you just the WORD you need to hear.

Oh, and the communion hymn on Sunday - My Life Flows On in Endless Song

My life flows on in endless song;
Above earth’s lamentation
I hear the sweet though far off hymn
That hails a new creation:

Through all the tumult and the strife
I hear the music ringing;
It finds an echo in my soul—
How can I keep from singing?

How indeed.


Monkeymama said...

"It is funny isn't it, that God gives you just the WORD you need to hear."

And funny how He sometimes has to say it a few times. :) That reading also struck me on Sunday. I really, really needed to hear it and it put me back in a better state of mind. Unfortunately, it didn't stick with me and last night I was up worrying too late. Thank you for putting it back there in front of me again! :)

DaisyGal said...

You know I do think that it sneaks up on you, that knowledge to just let go and let God.
I'm so glad He spoke to you and let you know that whatever you do, it's ok , He's going to make it ok for you.

Hyacynth said...

I am so grateful when He speaks to my heart that clearly as He did for you. That's a pretty big message to take in ... but so helpful, as are all of the messages He sends us.
And, you're right -- a perfect BPM! Hope you'll link it up. :)

Scott said...

WORD indeed. Glad to hear it.

Jade @ Tasting Grace said...

Such an important message - and so applicable to so many things in life! What would this world be like if people only did for themselves and did not do for others, and those who come after them?

It's a great reminder that the point in labor and trials is the lessons and the moments in the journey, not the end result. That's just icing on the cake. The focus is on what we gain from putting our hearts in our work, because that reward is far greater than any material item.

Thank you for sharing this moment.

michelle said...

so true. i often feel like the sermon, or song or book i am reading at the time is speaking RIGHT TO ME.

Vanessa said...

Its amazing how you can read the scriptures over and over and yet always come out with a new message! Nothing can replace that still small voice as it speaks to our hearts.

trishatfox said...

God's cool like that.

I hope you guys feel rigt at home. I can just picture
Baby Goat flirting with those cute eyes of his.