Friday, July 09, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do.

Last week was bad enough - with the hospital and baby goat's illness.  What I didn't realize that it might have been a gift at that time.  Because of that we got the tests done to find out that really does seem to be "just" asthma.  We got our allgery results back today and everything was normal.  No signs of allergies for cats, mold, dust, and several of the main food concerns as well.  This is wonderful news.

And since it happened last week that means we still had insurance because unfortunately this week has found me without a job.

I have no wish to rant and rave at my church on my blog - particularly when the actions that happened are driven by a few key people and several poor financial statments, but I find myself struggling with what to say about it.  There is hurt and pain, not only in the leaving but the manner and method with which it was done.

I have found myself in the last 3 days since it happened going through a wide range of emotions.  I've been so angry I couldn't see straight.  I've been sad.  I've been ashamed.  I've been embarrassed.  I've been numb.  I've felt guilty at leaving my volunteers in a messy situation (even if it isn't of my choosing).  I've been scared.  I've sick to my stomach.  And that can all be in a 5 minute time frame.

I no longer doubt the connection to health and stress.  I feel like I've put on 20 lbs and my head is clogged and my throat is sore.  I am going to need to figure out next steps but this week it is as much as I can manage most days to get out of bed and face the day.

I hope that this will pass and that there will be some peace and calm that comes for being in this place.

Because of the church's financial troubles I can't say that this was wholly unexpected and so I have a few head starts out there but am praying one of them pulls through quickly.  The luxury of having time to blog, run, and play with the baby will eat into our living ability far sooner than I'd wish.

I was supposed to be at church camp this weekend with my kids, singing songs, eating s'mores and swimming in the lake.

Instead I'm home wondering where it went wrong and worrying about what is in store next.

12 comments:

Paula said...

I'm so sorry. I've been fired by a church before, with no notice, and all of the feelings you report are so familiar!

I will be praying for you.

Melinda said...

Liz-

I'm so sorry about your situation! I do hope that one of your leads materializes soon. In the meantime, enjoy your time with Baby Goat (and I'm thankful his allergy test came back clear!)

Kristina Joy said...

I'm so sorry. Loosing a job is one thing, loosing a job at a church is a whole nuther ball of wax! My husband was our church's administrative pastor and rocked at it. Because of personality conflicts he quit. But we remain at the church. We chose to let the job go, so we could heal the relationships that were hurting. And we have healed. All that to say, it's hard, I've been there, but healing will come. God is faithful. He will provide. And you'll be OK. Hugs. :)

fritzfacts said...

I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am! It is such a heartache when you go through a jobloss, especially when you care so much for what you do.

I will be thinking of you, and am here for anything you could possibly need!

Challenge:1yearnorestaurants said...

Sorry for your job loss, but remember your faith and stay strong. He has a greater plan and it will be for the best in the long run. Try hard to focus on the positives like NO FOOD ALLERGIES!!!!!
~Jenny

Terri (ttmcconnell) said...

What a tough situation-praying for you...God must have something awesome planned for your next steps (but it's hard to keep that in mind sometimes when things are so rough). Hang in there!

Jeni said...

So sorry to hear that you are having to go through this. I hope that something comes through for you soon, and until then enjoy being just mom.

Monika said...

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. I've been there as you know & it's not easy at all, but you just take it day by day, one decision at a time. Let me know if you ever want to talk. It was from Jan. 2009 until mid May 2010 that I was out of a job & this current gig is a contract. Working hard to find the next, perfect permanent thing - Keep the faith & your head held high.

Emma said...

That stinks! Please try to enjoy your new-found free time. It's a blessing in disguise. Hope the job hunt goes well/quickly!

Rebecca said...

I can't imagine what you are going through. I think karma owes you some good stuff soon. Maybe this will lead you to something amazing.

While I'm sad Baby Goat has to deal with asthma, it's a relief that the allergy tests are negative.

Laura said...

I'm so sorry Liz! this must be so hard. I felt your pain as I read your post. Just terrible. I hope some options open up very, very soon.

Anti-Supermom said...

Oh Liz, I'm so sorry to see this. I sure you will find something quickly.

Prayers for peace.