Now that baby goat is really walking I like to let him practice in the hallway of the apartment on the way to the car. We are all the way at the end and it is a nice stretch for him to walk (and it can be hard to carry all 30 lbs of him and anything else that you need to bring to the car too.)
Lately he has been fascinated with my car keys which I willingly hand over for the walk down the hall. As we pass each door he toddles up to it and holds up the keys. He knows that keys open doors and he wants each and every door open. It is almost as if every door could be our destination and he's eager to check every.single.one.
There is something so hopeful in watching baby goat joyfully try to open every door, even though he can't even reach the door knobs and I've been thinking about this a lot as I try to formulate a response to Monday's Couch to 5k post.
I think I feel like baby goat on this weight loss journey. I'm just starting down a long hallway of fatness and I have a set of keys. Some might work along the way, some don't and I tend to pause at each door seeing if is the way out for me. But I am like a child. I'm learning slowly that not every door leads me to a place I want to go, and not every key works.
I know a lot of wonderful people urged me to put myself first in this process. To rely on Mr. Goat's ability to put baby goat to sleep, to choose myself selfishly. That has been a struggle to think about this week. On the one hand I agree, and on the other I sometimes feel at odds about what I really want. I want to be with my son at bedtime as he spends most of the day at daycare. I want to go workout before 9pm. I want to lose weight and I want to eat ice cream.
I wonder if the time is an excuse that isn't really apt. Perhaps it more is way of hiding behind the times I choose a less healthful want. I do need to evaluate my priorities and how to work out and still be present for my family in a way that is important to me. I'm going to be working on it. In the meantime I'm trying to find my key to making this journey a success for me.
And thank you for supporting me, even when it means sending some tough love.