Tuesday, November 17, 2009

You Don't Forget.

You don't forget.  You don't forget your child with his scrawny fingers and his loose skin, gasping for breath.  You don't forget watching the numbers on a monitor with a manic need, as if the numbers guarantee that things are still working.  You don't forget the speed with which he was whisked away from the OR to get the oxygen he needed.  You don't forget being discharged without your child.  You don't forget watching the apnea events, or the panic you feel when his heart rate drops suddenly.  You don't forget the smell of the NICU's hand sanitizer or trying to breastfeed in a purple vinyl chair.  You don't forget any one of those 46 days that you called the NICU home because that is where your heart was.

But you also don't forget the love of your family around you.  You don't forget the nurses who cared for you emotionally as much as they cared for him physically.  You don't forget the joy of seeing him grow.  You don't forget the rejoicing over an ounce of weight gain, or a full feeding, or graduating off of oxygen.  You don't forget the first time you held him, even if it was almost 48 hours after you gave birth.  You don't forget that you and he were a lucky ones and that had this happened even 10, 25, 50 years ago things might have been different.

You don't forget this:

Even when you now spend your days looking at this:

You never forget.

March of Dimes: Prematurity Awareness Month
Fight For Preemies // Bloggers Unite


Mr. Goat said...

Hey! I know that guy!

Also, I forgot the smell of the NICU had sanitizer.

Naomi said...

Liz, we are all just so very happy that your little one is ok. We are still praying for your family, but we are relieved the little guy is doing so well these days. Bless you!

Stacy Averett said...

I hope you don't mind a total stranger commenting; I followed your link from the March of Dimes Facebook page.

What you said about watching the apnea events, and the monitors, and calling the NICU home because that is where your heart is, all sound so familiar. I still can't hear a monitor beep, even on TV, without being back in the dim light of the NICU, watching my 2 pound baby learn to breathe.

Your blog brought tears to my eyes, and I wanted to let you know.

Christie O. said...

you are absolutely right, you never forget. not a single memory do you forget. i'm so happy to know he's doing well, my blessings to you. thank you for sharing your story. *hugs*

esperanza said...

So very true, all of it. Thank you.

Anti-Supermom said...

Liz, what a beautiful post! Wyatt didn't have near the experience that Baby Goat did, but we had just a taste of what you did and yes, we too will never forget.

He's lucky to have you as a Mama.

Jana said...

Thank you for this...

Kim said...


Thank you for writing this, as your words speak your emotion so clearly, bringing me into a situation I've never experienced firsthand. I appreciate you opening my eyes to better understand.

Pam said...

Dear Liz:

On behalf of the March of Dimes, thanks so much for your post and for helping us tell everyone about the problem of prematurity.

Your moving personal story put us right in the NICU with you! And the pictures of your beautiful baby are wonderful.

March of Dimes

Deb said...

What a blog from the heart... I shared with a new preemie's mom to give her encouragement.


Suzy Meyer said...

Another "stranger" here, through the Theolog links:

What you have written rings so true for me. My premie is almost 25 (so, born before hand sanitizer!), and I still have not forgotten even one small detail of that first terrifying night. Blessings to you and your family!

Soupy said...

The soap, awww, the soap! I smelled the soap at the doc's office last check up and had a very vivid memory of walking into the special care nursery. I remember smelling my clothes after I left Kyla, to smell HER. Aww, my heart, You wrote this so beautifully.
And now look at your beautiful angel boy! He is a dream!
What a blessing for our special babies to be together every day-chatting to each other all day long!

Jason said...

Jason here from BloggersUnite. Thanks for being part of the BloggersUnite event, sharing your story and helping to raise awareness for the March of Dimes and all they do.