19 weeks

Holy cow. I am now 19 weeks pregnant. Which is just kind of mind-boggling. Here is what babycenter says this week...

How your baby's growing:Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

I have to say that I'm still fluctuating between feeling huge and feeling barely pregnant. If I have been able to feel Zy-Goat it is still not regular enough to tell for sure. Rather it feels like someone is playing tidal wave (like I used to in the bathtub as a kid) in my torso. But if there are any kicks or nudges I can't really tell yet.

In the meantime, the acne continues, as does a really lovely dose of fat transplanting, so while I don't particularly look too pregnant (to me, Mr. Goat sees it differently) I do seem to be widening and growing from all possible angles. Yuck.

I think I am really struggling with being naturally larger and pregnant. I don't feel too pregnant, I don't look too pregnant, and I'm just glad that most people know at this point because I don't think there is much physical evidence to tell people yet. It is yet another frustrating reality of being a larger person in the world. Added to that the reality of needing to eat and still struggling with the what and when of eating some days it gets very hard to deal with. A naturally my hormones are still playing a part in this as well I know. Naturally this struggle also means I have yet to get the courage to post any belly pictures on here. I may when I actually look pregnant but we'll see.

But I shouldn't complain. I'm almost halfway there and for all intents and purposes it has been remarkably painless so far. I haven't had morning sickness and I have had nothing too extreme on any other issue either. So really, I've been lucky.

It is amazing to almost on the downward slope of this pregnancy. Next week will be half way there and that is assuming Zy-Goat goes full term. The thought that we are headed toward an actual child now just blows the mind. And there is so much to do, as we haven't done much of anything to prepare yet. Yikes!

On the one hand time could speed up and on the other it could slow WAY down for me. I'm sure it won't do either but I do hope that the rest of this first half and the second half of this pregnancy is as easy as the first, at least maybe until that labor part - I don't expect that will be easy even if I wish it to be so.