It has been begun - VBS insomnia is here. It has happened twice already this week (including last night). I have been kept up by those mind-gnawing lists of what needs doing in the next two weeks. In many ways it is like planning a week long wedding - where you have 40 in the bridal party and the guests are all children. There is just lots to do - plus a magical world to create. I found out that one of my teachers is in the hospital on Friday - bleeding ulcers and a mass that they need to biopsy. I don't know yet whether she'll be around to teach in two weeks or not. I'm still a few teachers down anyway.
And really, I'm not too worried about it. It is just stressful and there are lots and lots of things that still need to be done. But anyway - I slept poorly and woke up feeling lousy. Mr. Goat and I didn't get moving fast enough to go to the early traditional service - so we went to the later contemporary version of church this morning.
This is not the service I would choose but being an employee it is important I go to many different services and know the majority of the congregation so away we went this morning. And really it was a struggle. I was tired and stressed and a little resentful of the clappy-go-lucky songs we were singing. The sermon made me annoyed rather than inspired and I was just not having any of it today.
But then it came time for communion and there were familiar words. This is my body, this is my blood...given for you...Do this in remembrance of me. And I know that it is given when I need most to remember God's grace and mercy and love. It is given to me in my funky bad mood. It is given in a dry tasteless wafer, and some acidic really awful wine - but it is given freely and without reservation. It is given to ME. And it made me feel better.
The lists and the stress and the desire to get it all right - these are because I care about my kids, and the church, and the Capital C Church too. And I care that kids will grow up to know of God's grace for them. The reason I stress is because it is important work I'm doing here and I should know better that to let a restless night and a praise band get the better of it.
I'll never like praise music. I'll never go into VBS stress free. But I can acknowledge God's gifts in my life and that makes today a lot better.