Monday, February 19, 2007

Posing...

Do you ever feel like you are merely posing as an adult? I think of it in terms of the great Tom Hanks movie, Big, where his 12 year old self wishes to be big and wakes up looking 30 the next day. The rest of the movie involves him trying to figure out life as an adult, getting a job, dating and realizing that his kid existence wasn't too bad afterall, all the while teaching others a sense of child-like wonder that makes them better.

Yeah, sometimes I feel like that, especially lately. Sometimes it feels like I'm not capable of making all of these adult decisions or handling all these adult pressures. It is days and weeks like these that I really wish I could be coloring or watching cartoons than all of this real life stuff. I suppose this latest episode of Big-syndrome began when our easy chair broke. Chris and I had the 20+ year old hand me down furniture from my parents and one of the chairs finally died. The couch was losing stuffing at the arms where the cats liked to claw at it, and the other chair had a big rip in it: it was time to look for new furiture.

So the search began. Some were expensive and ugly, some were cheap and ugly, some were nice and expensive, some were pretty but poorly made, there were so many options it was easy to get overwhelmed. Finally we found a store going out of business with prices at 40-50% off. That definately helped, as did my co-worker telling me that they were a great store who was going out of business because the owner wanted to retire and for no other reason. So we bought a sofa and a chair-and-a-half with ottoman. We ended up buying the more expensive set we were looking at because it was better made and more comfy and we did get a good price on it - even if it was more than we were going to spend. But we did it - we made a big furniture purchase. Even though I don't feel nearly qualified to make any furniture decorating type decisions we made one and the new furniture is so comfy - albeit a bit larger than the room should have but it does work. That was Thurs...

Friday I went to my eye appointment. I need glasses and need to wear them whenever I am on the computer or reading. My vision is fine but it is something to do with my muscles and my tendency to cross my eyes when they get tired. The eyes have to work too hard to focus I guess. So bring on the glasses...and the costs... Another adult issue and expense on top of feeling poor from buying furniture. Wasn't I playing Barbies last week? (With my friend who just had her third baby...eep! - Congratulations to Tiffany and baby Cecilia though!)

The day continued helping my MIL and SIL get ready for her sweet sixteen birthday party. I stayed over Friday night to help with the all day festivities on Sat. My SIL had planned the whole thing and it was an awesome day. We had a scavanger hunt around town, a Bunko game (very fun), breakfast, lunch and dinner with 8 teenage girls. MIL had 4 college guys come sing acappella to SIL at dinner and it was a hit...an embarassing, videotaped hit. But the guys were cute.

It was strange for me at the party. I was a guest and a host, a child and an adult. I did all the spa stuff with the girls, and helped set up lunch. I drove them around and sat at the girls (kids?) table at dinner. I was in both worlds and not quite a part of either of them. It was much like being a teenager at family gatherings. Being older than all of the siblings and cousins I was always wanting to distance myself from them growing up, but I couldn't hang out with the adults either. I was in between. It was the same thing.

Oh, and on the way to dinner MIL crunched my car with her minivan. It was a complete accident and she feels terrible but it was another adult thing. I'm feeling overwhelmed by all these adult things. Taxes are coming up, the loans are piling up, and work just gets busier. How did I come to be an adult, especially since I still feel like I'm posing. Maybe by pretending to have it all together and being able to handle all these adult issues I really will be able too?

I came home Sat night to a sinus-infected husband and an empty refridgerator. The refridgerator is still empty but I did manage to convince husband to go to the doc and I took the car in for estimates. But still...are you sure I'm qualified for this whole adult thing? I was really good at homework and cartoons...I'm not sure about the rest yet.

4 comments:

LutheranChik said...

I don't know if this is comforting news or just the opposite, but...I'm 46, don't feel "grown up" yet, and often perceive that I'm in way over my head when faced with a challenge of mature existence.;-)

1-4 Grace said...

This is why I love workign with childrne and youth .i get these monets to be young again. But, then reality set in and I have to be the one to say, " Sit down whiel the church van is moving." " Don not put soap in the water bottle." And, " No more salt in the coffee cups, PLEASE!"
I jsut returend fro ma ski weeknd with the youth. A young couple went with me and thye both commeted about having to be th adults on the trip for the first time.
Yes, but when it comes to having to make decisons, i hate being the adult, and the one in charge.
When I am sick, I hate being the adult. I want someone to take care of me and fix me soup and bring my medicines as oppossed to me tryingto deicde if two more Alka-Seltzers will actually kill me.
This growing up stuff is certainly not for kids at heart and it totally sicks to be posed with questions that only adults should handle.

Rev Scott said...

Babies may make blogs more interesting, or they may not - I love LutheranChik's and there's not a babe in sight over there. But we certainly don't feel any more adult now that we have a child; in fact, I'd say we feel more like children ourselves, and we're not on the young side of 30 anymore. We keep wondering when people are going to realize that we can't be trusted with this little one!

Then again, "let the little children come to me" seems to suggest that NONE of us are ever supposed to feel like we can make it without a lot of help - wouldn't you agree?

Tiffany said...

Liz, I totally know how you feel. I feel the same way on a regular basis. Sometimes, I am amazed that these kids call me, "Mom." Why don't you just come and visit me? The Barbies are out downstairs and we relive our childhood and play with Emily. The best part is that we are adults so we can even play after we set up. How many times did we get everything out and set up and then it was time to clean up and go home!